Friday, January 8, 2010

Tired of being tired

I am tired. It is late and I cannot sleep. I just have too much to think about and my stupid neck is sore again, so I am blogging to help. Although, I don't believe that it will cure my insomnia nor my muscular woes. At least I'm not still staring at the ceiling dwelling on trivial worries. You know, in the Bible it talks about not worrying. I think it's in Matthew....yep, Matthew 6 verse 25 through 34. (I looked it up for you, Thank you Online Bible!)

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So why do we, as a human race, worry? Why am I up this late thinking about things that, in the end, really don't matter so much? Even though life right at this very moment seems incredibly overwhelming, frustrating, and difficult, I can rely on verse 34. Now, if only I could get that from my head into my heart and spirit I would be sound asleep, no worries, like David in the fields. Alas! This is a process. If only, if only...like the song, that desperately sad and depressing song.

I am not pleased with this point in my life. I'd love to skip it. I so loathe its lack of particularity and over abundance of cynicism. And yet, I laugh in its face thinking "Oh now, how silly is that?" Life is going to change, along with my attitude and perspective, I know this for a fact and yet I still dwell on the little idiosyncrasies that drive me mad. Those little things that keep me awake at night. The little nagging worries. When will I get verse 34 through to the parts of me that so desperately need to hear it? Tonight perhaps? Or maybe tomorrow? Will I have to wait a month or a year? Only time will tell. And when that day comes, I want to have already memorized this portion of Scripture, backwards and forwards. Lets hope that day comes soon, shall we? Because I'm getting tired of being tired.

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